


Dangerous Games

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexuality, Bottom L (Death Note), Breaking Up & Making Up, Divorce, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, Everyone Needs A Hug, Explicit Sexual Content, Games, Guilt, Healing, Infidelity, L (Death Note) is a Dick, Lack of Communication, Learning to Trust Again, M/M, Marriage Counselling, Misunderstandings, Open Marriage, Open Relationships, Regret, Renewal of wedding vows, Revenge Sex, Same-Sex Marriage, Self-Discovery, Sexual Experimentation, Soul-Searching, Top Yagami Light, Yagami Light is Kira, Yagami Light is a Dick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-13 01:36:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21486187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Unable to move past their penchant for game playing, even In marriage, L and Light soon realise just how damaging these dangerous games are when their marriage falls apart.Is there any hope for them? Or are they just better off alone...?
Relationships: L/Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light/Original Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	1. Shattered apart

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually something I wrote six or seven months ago to be included in another work, but I didn't end up using it so I've changed it up a bit and have decided to make it its own angsty little fic. Let me know what you think!

L's stomach roiled with anxiety as he sat and watched his husband strip for another man. Light had accused him of being a hypocrite, for having reservations about bringing another man into their bed, whereas women had been welcomed with literal open arms. L supposed that was partly true. What Light didn’t seem to understand was how frightened L was. This man was a complete dominant. He would do things to Light L could not. He would give Light what L couldn’t. That was a terrifying concept. 

_'How did we ever get into this mess? Why did we have to invite others into our bed. We should have known better. We should have known things would have gotten complicated!'_ L cursed their stupidity. All the rules and regulations in the world couldn't have prevented this hurt from happening. It had been brewing, and it seemed as though the storm was finally going to burst. 

Light had wanted to watch him fuck women. It had began as a bit of fun and yes, L had enjoyed it. Their mutual kink had been appeased and, in the beginning at least, they were closer for it. 

Now though… 

“Aren’t you coming over to play too, lovely? I promise I can handle the both of you”

L startled and looked up at the man. He was kissing Light's chest, but his eyes were on him. 

“I...N-no. No” L cleared his throat “I can’t”

Light's eyes were foggy with pleasure, but they cleared at the hesitant words of his husband. He forced himself to pull away from Travis and peered closely at L. His husband seemed upset. The deal was if one of them were uncomfortable they were to stop the scene immediately. 

“Asahi,” L choked out “_Please_…”

“...” Light was torn. He needed this, he needed this badly, but his heart and body were at odds. Travis ignored L's tear-filled eyes and reached for the rubber paddle and soft leather whip he’d brought with him. 

“I-Ah! Ah, shit!” Light threw his head back in shocked pleasure as the whip kissed his back.

L could only cry silently as he was utterly forgotten. Travis rained down blows on Light's back and Light was writhing in pleasure. Seeing his husband kissed by the older man, and kissing him back with such eagerness, broke something in him. 

L fled the room, the bitter taste of 'I told you so' sour on his tongue. 

Light came back to himself at the sound of the door closing and panted harshly, pushing Travis away. L had left. That wasn’t part of the agreement! 

_‘Neither was kissing someone else'_

Light's eyes widened in understanding. Shit. He’d taken it too far, he'd become so wrapped up in sensation he had forgotten the most important rule. Of course L would have left. 

L rested his head against the door, his entire body shaking. He heard the bed creak and prayed Light was coming to him. He needed Light in his arms. Seeing Light like that with another man had been too much for him to bear.

“I’ve got to go to him, he’s upset”

“It seems to me you spend too much of your time going to him, Ashai. _You_ are upset too. I can feel the tension in you. You need this. Come lay back on the bed and I will give you exactly what you need... “

L held his breath, stomach churning anxiously as he waited for the door to open. Instead, he heard the bed dip again. 

_‘Oh, God, Light No'_

“Make it hurt” Light hissed “Make me _bleed_”

L staggered away from the door like he'd been hit. He heard the sound of the flogger striking Light's skin and the hoarse cries of pleasure torn from his husband's throat. Cries he has never been able to elicit. As a natural submissive, he had assumed he and Light had good chemistry. Light usually adored his role as dominant. 

Obviously Light had felt like he was missing out on something. Something his husband couldn't provide. Women. Men. Dominants.

It didn't matter who it was. L saw the truth for what it was. He and Light had destroyed their own marriage like the arrogant fools that really were. 

“Good boy, that’s it. Shit, I am going to fuck you so hard”

“Yes! Please! Make it hurt!”

L could endure no more. He lurched towards the bathroom and flung the toilet seat up just in time. He vomited violently, his eyes streaming with tears. ‘Make it hurt' rang through his mind with each heave and shudder. 

Once he was done, L stormed back into the lounge. The raptouress cries of his husband filled his ears and he grabbed the pen and notepad from the coffee table. In a large, angry scrawl he wrote ‘**IT HURTS**' so violently the pen tore through part of the paper. As an afterthought he slipped off his wedding ring and left it next to the note. 

As far as he was concerned, in this moment, their marriage was over. He searched for his laptop bag, wallet and car keys and debated taking his phone. He decided he would take it, but he would not answer it. He slammed it behind him, but he doubted Light would hear it... or even care about the fact he had left.

L drove to the first hotel he could think of, The Park Hyatt. Exclusive, obscenely expensive and somewhere he had stayed many times before. He booked the presidential suit for a week under ‘Rue Ryuzaki' and requested a personal shopper go to the nearest department store to pick up clothes and supplies. Having stayed before, and tipped very well before, the staff clamoured over him. L ordered two bottles of champagne and an extra large tiramisu. He received his key card and turned without another word to go to his suite. 

He decided the first thing he was going to do was run a bubble bath in that deep, clawed tub the presidential suite sported. Then he was going to get drunk. Very, very drunk. 

*********

Light's entire body ached and he could do nothing but lay in bed and relish the dull pangs of pain. Travis had already left (talk about wham, bam, thank you ma’am) to head back to work. He’d asked for Ashai's number but Light had flatly declined. They’d both gotten what they wanted, as far as he was concerned there really wasn’t much point in promising to get in touch. 

They wouldn’t. That was yet another rule in his and L's game. No repeats. No further contact. No kissing. Just sex and no feelings. 

_'I've gone and fucked that right up!'_

Light breathed deeply as he wondered how he was going to explain himself to L. 

He knew the longer he put it off the worse it would be. Even after all these years together, Light was genuinely terrified of the way L's dark eyes became so stormy and wicked in his anger. Beautiful, but dangerous. L hadn’t looked at him with that expression in a while, but he would today, and Light knew he had every right to be angry with him. 

“God help me” Light muttered. He gingerly crawled out of bed and slipped his dressing gown on. 

“L?”

Silence. 

That was not a good sign. 

Everything was still in its place too. He would have felt better, more assured, even if his husband had thrown a tantrum and trashed the place. 

“Baby? Where are you, I’m so sorry! Can we...“ Light’s eyes landed on the coffee table and his stomach turned to water. 

**‘IT HURTS**'

“L! No! _Fuck_! Fuck!” Light sank to his knees, cradling L's wedding ring in the palm of his hand. The metal and gemstones shimmered and blurred through his tears. 

Light forced himself to his feet and looked around for L's laptop bag. His car keys, wallet and phone were gone…

Light crumpled to the floor, bitter sobs tearing from his throat. The aches in his body suddenly didn't feel so blissful. 

The game they'd been playing was like Russian Roulette and he'd just got the bullet… 

*********

L giggled to himself, despite the tears in his eyes, as he clumsily made his way across the room to the door. He nearly tripped over and for some reason that was hilarious. It was probably his personal shopper. He opened the door and peeked out. A handsome young man swamped by bags was waiting outside. 

The young man, a Kenji Shidou, was eerily reminiscent of Light. He had the same light, caramel coloured eyes and slightly darker brown hair. 

“Evening, Ryuzaki-San. I’ve brought the things you specified. Would you like me to help you unpack? My shift is nearly over and I really don’t mind... “ Kenji bit his lip. Christ, how desperate for human interaction could he get? This strange, exotic sad looking man had caught his eye almost immediately. He didn’t know anything about him but somehow he had felt a connection. 

L raised an eyebrow. He sensed sincerity in the young man. He hadn’t been one of the staff clamouring to shop for him, which is why L had chosen him. Again the young man seemed genuine in his offer to help. It might have been the soft, longing looks the man was giving him as well. L wasn’t used to being the subject of such stares, and it had helped mend his bruised pride. His husband might not want him but there was someone else who did. That was comforting, in a bittersweet way. 

“Come in. Sorry, I’m drunk” L explained his general lack of attire. He had chucked on the hotel robe (which was indecently short and skimpy in his opinion) for lack of other options. 

“Heh, don’t blame you” Kenji flashed an understanding smile “It’s Friday night, soon as I finish I plan on doing the exact same thing. It's just been such a shitty week, you know?” Kenji kept his eyes on L's face and repeated ‘_Do not look at his legs. Do not look at his legs'_ over and over in his head. L shifted slightly and Kenji bit his lip. He’d looked at those long, long legs. His face flushed with heat at the way Rue seemed to be analysing him with that piercing stare. 

L found himself smiling at the friendly man. He certainly did know about having a shitty week. And he knew Kenji desired him. That made his blood sizzle. A dangerous temptation appeared before him. Light had betrayed him. It would serve him right if L repaid him in kind, right? 

_‘No! Don’t be stupid!’_

L frowned. His brain was being sensible. He ran his gaze over Kenji's body and felt arousal stir in him. His body didn’t share his brains reservations, and right now L Yagami-Lawliet did not want to use his brain. He didn’t want to think at all. 

“Well... “ L bit his lip. Should he? Having company seemed like a good thing right now, and having someone to talk to was oddly appealing. Maybe it was because Kenji seemed a gentle sort, or maybe it was just because he was drunk and hurting but L found himself suddenly wishing the man would stay. If something happened... Well, he’d cross that bridge when he came to it. Right now he just didn’t want to be alone. His loneliness made the decision for him. 

“I don’t really know anyone here and... I guess I could use a drinking partner? You tell me your woes and I’ll tell you mine?” 

Kenji's eyes widened in surprise. Was this beautiful man really inviting him to stay? He could tell from the moment Rue Ryuzaki entered the hotel lobby he was in a great deal of pain and his heart went out to him. He really wanted to stay and help... 

“I would love that! I don’t know many people around here either” Kenji admitted “And I am happy to lend an ear too” ‘And anything else you might want... Gods, those eyes of yours should come with a warning'

“Great” L bit his lip, a flush on his cheeks when he noticed Kenji's eyes fixed on his legs “Um, I know. Your hotel's bathrobes are indecently short”

“I'd say they are the best robes ever made, they show of your legs beautifully” Kenji clapped a hand over his mouth as if to shove the words back in and L tipped his head back in laughter. It seemed he had found a kindred spirit in Kenji. 

“Thank you...” L hooked a finger in his mouth as he considered his next words “I will leave it on then... For now”

Kenji's eyes widened at the implications. He swallowed hard and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him softly. L waved his hand at the bags and walked over to the plush velvet sofas. 

Later, L would try and deluded himself that that was the champagne talking but he knew it wasn’t. It was spite talking. He was filled with an ugly desire to just get Light back for causing him so much pain. Light had broken the rules and hurt him, and L's philosophy of an eye for an eye made him want to hurt his husband right back. 

Light had got what he needed. L would do the same. 

Kenji swiftly poured them both a drink and perched on the edge of the sofa. His palms were slick with sweat as he tried to convince himself this was actually happening. He was going to hook up with the dark eyed stranger... It was surreal. 

“Do you like working here?” L asked, a little awkward when it came to making small talk. 

“Hell, no! I hate it. It's only a temporary job until I can save enough to go back home... I was lucky to get it, of course. Working in the Hyatt is very prestigious but... I just feel like a slave here. Pandering to the rich and famous day in and day out is soul destroying after a while”

L tilted his head in confusion. As someone who was rich, famous and used to people pandering to him for the entirety of his life, he’d never thought about it that way. He wondered if Watari felt the same as Kenji. 

“I didn’t mean you” Kenji flustered when L stared at him “I... Uh, meant... Never mind”

L shrugged a shoulder “It’s fine. I’m rich, obviously, but hardly famous. I can emphasize to an extent. Dealing with people is draining”

“Yes” Kenji nodded his head emphatically “I really wasn’t implying you were like that. I can see your not. I... noticed how sad you are too” Kenji gulped down the last of his glass “Your eyes are sad. Beautiful, but sad”

L smiled thinly “Break up” he muttered, not wanting to go into details “You?”

“Work” Kenji refilled their glasses “Cheers?”

“To misery” L smiled dryly as he toasted “Such as it is”

Kenji clinked his glass with L's and they both downed them. 

L glanced at the clock. Light should have finished getting fucked by Travis now. He would have found his note and ring. L picked up his phone. 17 missed calls. 14 of them had been from Light. 

_‘Ha! Now you know what it feels like to be ignored_' L thought spitefully as he laid his phone on the arm of the sofa. He had messages too, but he didn’t even bother looking at them. He wasn’t in the mood for ‘I'm sorry' he was in the mood to just lose himself in sensation. 

“Kenji, if I asked you to fuck me... Would you?”

Kenji licked his lips “God yes! Yes, I’d love to... You’re so beautiful, Rue...”

L's head spun at the words. Him? No. Light was beautiful, he was just... 

Kenji placed his glass on the unit and approached him, a hesitant look on his face. Quietly he sat next to L and tipped his head up. He stared into those stormy grey eyes, his other hand ghosting down L's cheek. 

“You are heartbreakingly beautiful, and I think you can’t even see it” Kenji whispered “I don’t want to hurt you by... This. If you’ve changed your mind that’s okay. I’m actually just really glad of the company... “

L shivered as Kenji's thumb traced and caught his lower lip “I... Really want you. I shouldn’t. I know nothing about you... but I want you”

Kenji surged towards him and crushed his lips on his and L felt a pulse of ‘Oh god I needed this!’ white out his brain. There kisses intensified at a breakneck speed until L found himself naked and straddling the man. His head spun as he was suddenly pushed down on the sofa, lips stolen in furious, hot but sweet kisses. 

“Bedroom” L mumbled. He had a wicked thought and smirked. He grabbed his phone, rang Light then carried it into the bedroom with him. He knew Light would answer straight away. He sneakily hid it in the half open bedside drawer while Kenji was distracted admiring the opulent bedroom. 

“Rue, this room is amazing! I’ve never even been in the presidential suite before”

L smiled as he glanced at his phone. Light had picked up. He heard the muffled ‘L? L, hello? Where are you? Who are you with?’ and felt a hot flare of vindictive victory. 

“It's beautiful, but nowhere near as stunning as you are” Kenji crossed to L and pulled him into his arms. L twined his arms around Kenji's neck and moaned softly into his mouth. 

Kenji smiled as he fingered L's nipple gently “I am going to worship you tonight, Rue, the way you deserve to be. I’m going to kiss and lick you everywhere”

L smiled slyly “_Everywhere_?”

“Oh yes. Lay down on the bed, Beautiful. I think I will start from the bottom and work my way up”

The bed creaked as they both clambered on it. L lay on his belly and watched through lust-blown eyes as Kenji began placing sweet, sucking kisses over his feet and up his calves. When his tongue danced over a particularly sensitive spot behind L's left knee he let out a loud gasp of appreciation. He had had no idea he was so sensitive there… 

“So fucking pale and beautiful. Fuck, you're like... The physical embodiment of night or something”

L groaned “Kenji, _please_. That made me cringe and not in a Oh my god! Agggh! Kenji, fuck! Oh god, more... Mmmm! Can’t believe you're ... Uhhh!”

Kenji pulled his lips and tongue away from L's ass, his eyes darkened with arousal to a rich toffee colour “I said I was going to lick and kiss you everywhere didn’t I? Fuck your hole is so gorgeous and tight…"

"Aaaaahhh! More, please! There! Holy shit you’re incredible at this” 

L's eyes rolled back in his head and he screamed as he came hard. His prostate throbbed inside him with each lap of that talented tongue. 

He might have elaborated a little for the sake of his audience, but even so, Kenji knew damn well how to eat a guy out. 

“Ugh.... Fuck” L whimpered “Go and brush your teeth... I need to kiss you after that”

Kenji grinned and placed a loving kiss to the base of L's spine “You take a minute to recover, Baby, I am far from finished with you”

L closed his eyes and rested his head against the silk sheets. He hoped he had made that hurt enough for Light. 

“L! L, you fucking prick! Answer the phone right now!”

L reached for it and put it to his ear. 

“Yes?”

“Yes? Fucking Yes?! You son of a bitch you’re cheating on me!” Light shrieked down the phone. L flinched and pulled it away from his ear, his eardrum ringing. Even Misa couldn’t shriek that bloody loud. 

“I am. And it's just what I needed” L let a sultry purr slip into his voice “Did I make it hurt enough for you, Light? Or do you want to hang around and listen to him _fuck_ me?”

“You! You... Spiteful, vindictive fucking BASTARD!”

“Mmhmm. An eye for an eye, remember? Don’t you dare try and take the moral high ground with me. Not after you got off like a little bitch to Travis flogging you! Yeah, I heard it. I vomited and then left. You broke the rules and now you're pissed I'm doing the same? We're a joke, Light. I'm surprised we lasted two years” The Alcohol made the words flow off his tongue in angry hisses, "We're over so technically I'm not cheating on you. Expect to receive papers in the next few days. I can't play these games anymore…" L felt a lump in his throat and swallowed thickly. Even in his intoxicated state he knew this really was the end. 

“L... Fuck, please. Come home. We have to talk”

“I'm not coming home, Light”

'_Such a fool to believe we ever stood a chance. Kira and L. We always were destined to destroy one another…'_

“Where are you? I will rip that fucking Kenji's cock from his body!”

L smiled as he spotted Kenji poke his head out the bathroom door. The man dangled a tube of lube at him with a naughty smile. 

“Strawberry or chocolate lube, Babe?”

“Both” L breathed “Got to go, busy now. Bye!” L hung up with a satisfying click. Suck on that, Light. 

Fifteen minutes and two fantastic prostate orgasms later, Light called again. 

“Ugh, I’m sorry” L turned smouldering eyes to his lover “Carry on, I’ve got to take this call and I’d much rather do that with you fingering me”

Kenji, who had at this point thought he had died and gone to heaven, readily agreed and continued what he was doing. 

L answered the phone with a satisfied sigh in his voice “Yes?”

“L! What the fuck?! Come home _now_!”

“Hmm, no. I don’t think-Oooh! There, Fuck, Kenji you are fucking phenomenal...!” Hurt, anger and alcohol collided into a volatile cocktail and L decided he was going to be petty. He was going to make Light hurt. Perhaps if he had been in more control over his faculties he wouldn't have done it. Perhaps it was just the end game to the chess match of their marriage. 

Kenji grinned as L pulled away from the phone to praise him. His cock was jutting out from his body, eagerly waiting for L to consent to it being inside him. 

“Fuck, you’re big. You’re really big. Probably the biggest I’ve ever had” L giggled on the words “Please take it slow until I’ve eased into it. Then I’m going to ride that huge cock of yours all fucking night”

Light made a strangled moan. It was music to L's ears. 

“God, yeah, fuck can we do it now?”

“Mmm, definitely” L purred. He dropped the phone on the floor “Fuck the phone call. They’ll hang up. I need you inside me. Now.”

Kenji groaned at the impassioned words and guided his cock towards that gorgeous little hole. He pushed the tip in and L screamed. 

“Fuck! Fuck, Kenji! Aaaaaahhhhh! You're so big!” L cried out, not even exaggerating for Light's benefit anymore. Kenji was hung but the boy had been so sweet and tender in preparing him L only felt the mildest of aches at the penetration. Everything else was ecstasy. 

“Is it too much, Sweet? I don’t want to hurt you"

“Fuck no, it's not enough” L panted “Give it to me. _All_ of it”

Kenji flexed his hips and slowly sank inside of him until he bottomed out. L let out ragged whimpers as he felt the tip of that huge cock bump against his prostate. He just knew Kenji was going to fuck his brains out.

“Tight! Fuck, Rue, Baby! You are so fucking tight!” Kenji hissed through gritted teeth “So perfect, Baby, you take my cock so good!”

“Fuck me, god, please, Kenji!” L begged, his thought processes grinding to a halt with each thrust into him “Uhhhh! Kenji, fuck me! Fuck, Baby, more please!”

Light sobbed at that. L rarely used such affectionate names, even towards him. He knew L was in absolute ecstasy. He knew because somehow this stranger was wringing out the same moans he did. This stranger was giving L exactly what he wanted and his husband was fucking _loving_ it. 

“I’m gonna come!” L shuddered “Harder, oh god, yes!”

“Mmm, Rue, fuck, oh god! Oh god! Hands and knees, babe, let me give it to you hard like you want it”

“Yes! God damn, you’re so fucking hot, Babe” L shuddered, swiftly getting onto his hands and knees. Both young men moaned in pleasure as Kenji parted L's ass cheeks and sank back inside. 

Light could only listen in horrified silence to the frantic sounds of bodies slamming against each of L's keening moans and of the bed creaking. 

“Fuck! Kenji! Oh god!” L came with a wail Light had never heard him make before. It stung his pride that this Kenji person was giving L so much pleasure.

“Rue! Fuck, I’m gonna come! I’m gonna spurt in you, ahh, take it! Take my come, beautiful!”

Mo re moans, fleshy sounds, whimpers. 

Then, even more painful noises. 

Wet kisses, soft sighs, whispered sweet-nothings... And finally, contented snores. 

Light hung up his phone and held his head in his hands. L had certainly made it hurt. He’d made it hurt too much... 


	2. Fight or Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L wakes up to a pounding headache and bitter regret. It's a choice between Fight or Flight as both L and Light struggle to process what's happened...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These poor boys 😭 the Angst will be worth it, I promise! ❤

In the early hours of the morning, L awoke to a pounding headache and crushing regret. 

_'Oh god. Oh god I took it too far…'_ L flinched at the feeling of a warm hand curling around his hip and a warm body snuggling closer. '_It isn't Light. Kenji… I'm so sorry!'_

He slowly slipped out of bed, each move he made sounding obscenely loud in his ears. Thankfully Kenji was a sound sleeper, and soon L had gathered his belongings and packed up. He took the time to write a letter and left it on the desk. 

L doubted it was possible to feel shittier than he did in this moment. Kenji had been a sweet, kind lover but he had also been a mistake. L had used him like a weapon to get back at Light but the only one he had truly hurt was himself. 

L found himself watching Kenji sleep and hoped the young man wouldn't be too upset. They didn't know each other. Sex had happened between them, not feelings. There had never been a promise of more, even if L suspected that is what Kenji would ask for. 

_'You deserve someone better than me. I am so sorry, Kenji'_ L tried to ignore the throbbing in his skull, picked up his bags and slipped out of the room. He took a moment to stand in the dark and figure out where he would go from here. Another hotel. A flight to England. Watari. 

He needed to get home to Watari. 

He forced himself to walk to the nearest hotel and check in. If the receptionist thought it was odd that a shaking, tear-stained young man was checking in at four am they didn't say anything. L used an alias and paid cash. He didn't want to be traced. What he wanted was to curl up in bed and have peace and privacy to sob his heart out. 

The hotel wasn't nearly as fancy as the Park Hyatt, but that was exactly the reason why L had chosen it. He wanted to be just another nameless face here. He needed solitude to lick his wounds and reconcile with what he'd done, with what Light had done and with the end of their marriage. 

_'Because it has ended. I can't see a way back from this. The cut's too deep' _

L dumped his belongings on the floor, turned his phone off, then crawled into bed. 

Safe and alone under the soft duvet, he finally gave way to bitter tears and braying sobs as his world crashed down around him. 

*****************

Light didn't wake up in a much better state than L did. He stared at the ceiling, red-rimmed eyes bleak as he tried to figure out what the hell he was going to do. 

He was angry, so angry at L, but he knew they were both to blame for this. Instead of talking about their needs and establishing boundaries, they had let the game play them. 

Now they were apart, for the first time in nearly three years, and it hurt. Light scoffed to himself as he imagined writing his own name down. He'd rather that than live without L. Funny, considering he had once been so hellbent on killing the Detective. Everything had been different then. He hadn't realised just how much L had meant to him and he'd only realised it when L's life was hanging in the balance, his name poised to be written down by a Shinigami. 

At the last moment, Light had called it off. He'd spent weeks irritated at himself and the world at large. He was Kira. He was supposed to be above such trivialities like love. 

_'I love him still. How could we let this happen to ourselves?'_

Light knew it was hopeless, but he reached for his phone and checked for any message from L. Unsurprisingly, there were none. He tried to call his husband but his phone was still off. 

Light threw his phone against the wall, giving in to tears as he curled up in a bed that felt far too big. 

He tried to be rational. The first thing he had to do was stop crying and get up. He had to try and find L, but he knew that would be near impossible. Wherever L had stayed he would have certainly used an alias. L was sharp and hard to pin down. There was a good chance he had already changed hotels. 

No, if he was to find L it would be when L himself _wanted_ to be found, and not before. 

A distant memory drifted into his mind. L had told him (vaguely) about his home somewhere in Britain. Even after he had relinquished the Death Note, L had not trusted him enough to take him to his home. 

'_There are people there who mean more to me than anything, save you, in this world, Light. I cannot risk their exposure. So just drop it, will you?'_

After that Light had stopped asking but with a little digging and some memory recall, he stumbled across the information he wanted: Wammy's House, Wiltshire, England. 

'_Would L have left Japan completely? He stayed here to work with me… but he always insisted on going 'home' every six weeks, even if it was just for a few days. If L is hurting even half as much as I am he would want to be home with his family'_

Which was sort of true considering Light hadn't even contacted his. He didn't want his father's 'I told you so' or his mothers pitying gaze. He was determined that this wouldn't be the end for he and L. They'd gone through too much to give up now. For all of their games and childish natures, Light knew they loved each other intensely. 

That love was worth fighting for. 

Finding the strength he needed to get up, Light numbly brushed his teeth, changed and began to pack a few bags. He studiously avoided the anniversary photos and little objects that screamed at him of his and L's life together. 

He picked up L's wedding ring and slipped it into his pocket. The ring would adorn that long, slim finger again. He had to believe that. 

Locking up the dark, cold house (that usually felt so warm and cozy with L in it) Light strode out into the dawn. 

Perhaps L was already on a plane bound for Britain and didn't expect Light to know where he was going, much less follow him. 

_'You always did underestimate me, L. I will go to the ends of the earth to fix u. You can't hide from this. I have to find you again! ' _

It wasn't until he was preparing to board the plane did Light inform his family he was traveling halfway around the world. Sayu was the first to message back, asking why and when he'd be back. 

Light simply replied 'L's There. I'll be in touch soon'. L was the reason for everything he did in his life and once upon a time. Let his family think of that would they will. He wasn't prepared to return to Japan without his husband at his side… 

************

Days had passed, and L once again found himself wandering the familiar corridors of Wammy's House. It felt both strange and nostalgic to be back. Of course, the children didn't know who he was, but he noted each bright, young face with interest. These children where his future and legacy.

Being around them lessened the pain somewhat, as did Watari's kind smile and unending patience. 

L gently rapped his knuckles on Watari's office door and waited to be admitted. There was something about being back home that made him feel like a child, and not the twenty four year old man he was. Here, he was simply an 'associate' of L's whom the students seemed to like well enough. 

"L" Watari placed the document he had been reading down and gestured to the seat in front of his desk. " You look terrible"

L found a smile at that and slouched across the room. He dropped himself into the chair, not even bothering to squat as he curled in on himself, misery excuding from every pore. 

"I haven't been able to sleep. How did I manage for so long, Watari? Since Light I've gotten used to at least four hours a night… " L shook his head bitterly. Being with Light had been good for him in so many other ways. He'd started practicing Capoeira again and eating a little healthier as well. 

"I will ask the Nurse to prescribe a sleeping aid for you. You do need sleep, L. You are not superhuman, despite what you sometimes like to believe" Watari peered at L's face closely. The black bags beneath his eyes that had started to fade were back with a vengeance, stark and prominent against the ghostly pallor of his face. 

"Thank you" L mumbled, too dispirited to put up much of a fight. "I wanted to talk to you about starting divorce proceedings"

Watari frowned, his eyes crinkling as sorrow hit him hard. He had reconciled himself to the possibility that he would never see the one he thought of as a son settle down and be happy. Now that such a wonderful thing had happened, the thought of it ending was painful. He believed there was still hope for them, despite their stupidity and inability to communicate properly. 

_'Marriage is a partnership between two people, L. Bringing in others was only ever going to end in tears. You are both still so young. Do not throw in the towel unless you are certain there is nothing more to salvage'_

L bit his lip as Watari's stark words rang in his mind. Was there anything left to fight for? Light clearly needed more than he could give and he was clearly a petty and vindictive bastard. Such a toxic mix and an arrogant belief 'they'd be fine' was what had led to this sorry state to begin with… 

"I would not advise launching straight into Divorce proceedings without at least speaking to Light first" Watari counselled gently, "I know you are hurting, L, I can see it, but you must consider if this is what you truly want"

"What alternative do I have?" L asked bleakley, his head hanging and shaggy hair hiding his face. He didn't want Watari to see him crying again, even though he knew the canny old man was probably already aware of it. 

Watari silently pushed a box of tissues across the table to L. "You talk, L. _Really_ talk. Attend therapy together. Rebuild the trust that has been lost. Divorce is the easy option. You could revert back to L Lawliet but we both know you will always be Yagami-Lawliet at heart. Think long and hard about what you want and what your feelings are for Light, because I think even if there is a seed of love still between you, it needs to be given the opportunity to flourish and grow"

Watari stood up and walked to the other end of the desk, kind blue eyes staring down at L as he wrapped him in a warm embrace. "I have never seen you so happy nor so alive as when you are with Light and I have never known you to take the easy way out either… "

L sniffled into Watari's shoulder, a fierce determination taking hold. He dried his eyes and nodded his head. 

"I will contact Light and ask to meet up" L whispered in a tear-ravaged voice. "I think we have too much to fight for just to give up"

Watari smiled and ruffled L's messy nest of black hair. '_There's my boy'_

*********************

Light, meanwhile, was experiencing something of a culture shock. England was no where near as vast and sprawling as Tokyo was, but the mannerisms of its people and the ways of life here certainly were. 

He'd asked anyone he saw about Wammy's House and had been met with blank looks of confusion. 

He'd based himself in Wiltshire and had his phone repaired in the vain hope that L would message him. It had been six days since the split when Light finally received the message he had been waiting for:

_'Light. We need to talk. I am in England, but I need to speak to you face to face. When should I arrange to return back to Japan?'_

Quickly, with his heart pounding in his eardrums, Light thumbed a reply:

_ **'I'm in England! I came after you. Yes, we need to talk. I can't find Wammy's House! Please come and find me and bring me to your home, L.'** _

It seemed like forever, but L eventually replied to him and Light sobbed with relief as he read his words:

_'Stay where you are, I can trace where you are and send Watari out to collect you'_

Light Yagami, who had once genuinely believed he was a God in his own right, closed his eyes and sent up a little prayer to whichever deity was listening:

_'Please let L and I work this out. Please don't let this be the end for us… "_


	3. Talk to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watari takes Light to Wammy's House and the boys finally talk to one another.

To say the atmosphere in the car was awkward was an understatement. Light twitched with anxiety as Watari kept his gaze fixed solidly on the road ahead. 

Why wouldn't he just say something? Yell at him or something. Light wouldn't care. The silence was crushing! 

"You know what happened" Light finally broached the subject hanging thickly like a smog between them. 

"Of course I know what happened. L has told me everything" Watari's voice was strained. Polite. "I was the one who convinced him he needed to speak to you in person. I admit I am surprised you discovered where he was so quickly"

Light arched an eyebrow. Had the old man forgotten who he was? He might not possess the Death Note but he still possessed the keen mind and cunning that had made him so formidable as Kira. "How is he?"

Watari let out a soft 'Ha!' of amusement. "How do you think he is? He won't eat. He won't sleep. He is a mess, Light. Much like you appear to be"

Light flushed as he looked down at his rumpled clothing and ran a hand through his messy, unstyled hair. "He said he wanted to divorce me, Watari. That's kinda been occupying my mind more than personal grooming" Light ground out through gritted teeth. 

"As it should" Watari's reply was mild. "I will say to you what I have said to L: the only way forward for both of you is to sit down and talk openly with one another. No more games. If your marriage is worth saving then that is the only way to accomplish it. You are more than L and Kira now, and it is time you both grew up and realised that fact. You fetishized L's bisexuality. You both got involved in situations out of your depth that eroded the trust between you, a trust that was hard won in the first place. I do not mean to imply L is blameless in this. He is far from it"

Numbly, Light nodded his head. For all of his annoying habits, Watari just seemed to get to the heart of the matter effortlessly. The man was renowned for his ability to heal rifts and recreate peace. Would he be able to help them? 

"L has requested you are blindfolded from this point on" Watari pulled the car into a layby and handed Light the black, silk scarf. "I am sorry but the security of where we are going is paramount"

"Tch. You talk about trust but expect me to wear that?!" Light was indignant with anger. 

"If you want to see L you will wear it. It is non-negotiable" Watari said sternly. 

Sulkily, Light put on the blindfold. 

********************

Sitting across the coffee table from one another, L and Light could only avoid each others gaze. It was all well and good to say they needed to talk, the difficulty was in finding the words. 

"I will make you tea" Watari sighed as he glanced between them in exasperation. "Try not to kill one another in my absence"

L swallowed thickly as he heard the door close behind Watari and hesitantly lifted his eyes to Light's. 

"L…" Light sighed, his red-rimmed eyes stark and pitiful in the dim lighting, "I am so sorry!"

It was like a dam bursting, because suddenly L felt himself overcome with emotion as tears filled his eyes. "I am too! I shouldn't have done what I did to get back at you, Light! That was so fucking cruel of me!"

Light was so tempted to reach out to his husband and console him but he stayed where he was. They needed to talk and try and make something of the mess they had found themselves in. 

"Thank you for apologizing, L. I have never been more hurt in my life" Light admitted softly. "It killed me to listen to you and him… and yes, you were cruel and vindictive. But you were also drunk and hurting and I was the cause of that. I should have left Travis and come after you. I shouldn't have kissed him and…" Light hung his head. "Baby, I love you more than anything in this world. I just want you to know that"

L's lip quivered. He wanted to shout 'I LOVE YOU TOO!' at the top of his lungs but he couldn't. It was all he could do just to breath as he sniffled through his tears. 

"We should never have started it. Any of it" Light's voice was soft with bitter regret. "It's always been us, L, and bringing others into our bed was only ever going to hurt us. We should have known"

L nodded his head. "Yes, we should have. Why didn't we? We're supposed to be fucking geniuses" L muttered sourly. 

"We are human, L. Humans make mistakes" 

L smiled at his husband's words of wisdom. "Ha. Light Yagami admitting to making a mistake. Never thought I'd see the day" he jested weakly, wiping his tears from his eyes with his sleeve. 

"Guess miracles happen" Light smiled at L's attempt at humor. 

"Do you think a miracle would happen for us?" L whispered. 

"Yes. With time and therapy… I came here because I refuse to give up on us, L. I don't want to divorce you. I want to grow old with you" Light slipped from his chair and hesitantly approached L. "I would die for you a thousand times over, Baby"

L broke down and Light folded him into his arms. Watari arrived with the tea and quietly left it on the table. He was loathe to interrupt the healing playing out in front of him. Without a word, he quietly closed the door behind him. 

"Promise me you won't give up on us" Light ran his fingers through that messy hair he adored so much, "You infuriate me. You enthrall me and you hurt me over and over with your distrust but I need you, L. I love you more than anything in this world. I gave up my dreams to be with you. I know I am not perfect. I'm far from it. But I believe in us and I need to know you believe in us too."

Slowly, L leaned in for a kiss. He tasted the sweetness and the salt of tears on Light's lip. "I believe in us. I will fight for us"

Light let out a shaky breath of relief, fresh tears trickling down his face. 

"I think it's time we finally began to learn how to be honest with one another, Light. No more Kira vs L. No more secrets." L wiped his eyes, voice stronger as he held Light's hand in his. "We are in Wammy's House in Wiltshire. It is the orphanage that I grew up in. The reason I am so protective over it is because… I love these children and some of them will one day replace me as L."

Light nodded his head, his bangs hiding his eyes. As Kira, Wammy's House would have been one of his first targets. As Light he wanted to protect it for L's sake. 

"I understand" Light finally whispered. "Thank you for telling me that, L"

L smiled sadly and stroked Light's face. "We both know we love one another but I think neither of us truly knows how to trust. If we are going to work we need to undo a lifetime of secrets, lies and suspicions and learn how to do it"

Light pulled L into his arms once again, resting his head on L's shoulder. "We can do it"

L closed his eyes and breathed in the familiar scent of Light's aftershave. "I'll have Watari find us a marriage counsellor"

Light couldn't help but cringe slightly in embarrassment. He would never have dreamed he and L would ever need one. In the beginning their marriage was fantastic. Their sex life was phenomenal, and he adored L's submissive nature. But then his nightmares began. He began to ache with guilt for who he was and what he had done. 

The only way he found relief was to feel pain. The women he invited into their bed were no longer enough. He gained no satisfaction from seeing his lover make love to women anymore. The pain wasn't enough. He needed more… 

"We need to see a sex therapist as well" Light mumbled the words, "There's… things you need to know"

L simply tightened his hold on Light and kissed his cheek. "One step at a time, Baby"

Light crumbled, tears filling his eyes as thought about a future without L in it. A future where he hadn't gone to England and they endured the rest of their lived as lonely ghosts pining for one another.

'_We are only human. We make mistakes. But we will learn from this_' Light vowed to himself. One day, years from now, he and L would look back on this time in their lives and be thankful for the lesson it taught them. 

One day, once they had gone throu gh the pain and suffering their healing required, L would wear his wedding ring again…


End file.
